This post is dark, and full of spoilers…
Warning to one and all, if you have yet to watch the most recent episode of Game of Thrones, and DO NOT want be spoiled, then stop reading, go watch it, and then come back and read this!
Where do we start this week? Eugh, Ramsay Bolton, the Bastard of the North. I just want to see him suffer a slow and agonising death, is that too much to ask? So, Roose is spending his time, chastising Ramsay for being a “mad dog” and for losing Sansa Stark, or I suppose Sansa Bolton, or would she technically be a Lannister…? Oh who knows! Roose is doing his trademark cold, clinical and sarcastic berating of Ramsay, when he is informed of the joyous news, that Lady Walda has bore him a son, and well, a one hundred percent legitimate heir. Yay, drinks all round! Shockingly, Ramsay embraces his father, only to stab him, mirroring Roose’s betrayal of Robb Stark, which could be seen as poetic justice, if Ramsay wasn’t just a complete and utter oxygen thief! Now, Ramsay being Ramsay, he couldn’t just let this be the end of it, oh no, he summons Lada Walda and his newborn baby half brother, and sets his hounds on them. (Being the giant, cautionary whale of pregnancy that I am, I literally had to leave the room, my hormones couldn’t take seeing a baby get ripped apart by dogs, just no.) Ramsay now has his title, his unruly grasp on the North, and a spattering of houses under his thumb, most notably the Kerstarks, who are more than willing to crush the remaining Starks.
Sansa is slowly becoming one of the more knowledgeable of the Stark brood, as she knows now thanks to Brienne, that Arya is still kicking about, Bran and Rickon were not murdered and flambéed (cheers Theon!) and effectively that she is not alone. Theon/Reek has decided that he is undeserving of forgiveness, and now that Sansa had Brienne, and uh, Podrick, that he is no longer needed to accompany Sansa to the Castle Black. He resolves to return home, to Pyke, and deal with his fate there.
Speaking of Pyke, we meet the insane, yet entirely interesting Euron Greyjoy, who felt it was time to instigate a regime change,by throwing his brother off of a rickety rope bridge, that, to be honest, did not look like the safest way to from or to, anywhere. Balon’s funeral is held and we are informed that although Balon had been grooming Yava to take over his reign of the Iron Islands, the decision was not his, or hers to make. She will be subject to the Kingsmoot, which is basically some sort of Ironborn election, which will turn out just dandy for everyone involved.
Allister Thorne is still lording about in Castle Black, the Night’s Watch standing by with crossbows in hand, ready to annihilate those protecting Jon Snow’s cold dead corpse. Only to be thwarted by Tormund and his merry men, and giant, let’s not forget the giant! Moral of the story here lads, never mess with a Ginger! Oh, Thorne and Olly should be dead by now, but sure, let’s just lock them in the cells.
Over in Braavos, Arya is still blind, still begging and still being picked on by that blonde chick, who hasn’t managed to find a new hobby (or friends.) After some less than graceful stick swinging, she finally passes her first I am no-one test. About time too.
Tyrion drinks some wine in Meereen, and has the super awesome idea to go play with the dragons! Varys watches from afar as Tyrion chats to Rhaegal and Viserion, removing each of their chains, and surprising to everyone, himself included, he was not flame grilled and washed down with a nice Chianti.
The other Lannisters aren’t exactly having a whale of a time over in King’s Landing either. It is the day of Myrcella’s funeral and Cersei has been banned from attending, Tommen recieves some (fatherly?) advice from Jaime, who plays a game of “who can make the biggest threat” with the High Sparrow, over a dead body. Always classy there Ser Jaime! Tommen ends up retreating to his Mother, begging for her help, and ultimately giving her power over him and the entire country. Good choice kid. Sigh.
Bran is still under a tree, with a funky new haircut, doing some kind of telepathic time travel , that will be instrumental somewhere later on in the season. Meanwhile, Meera is bored and brooding, waiting to get stuck in to the fast approaching war. There really was only a teeny taster of Bran this week, hopefully we’ll get to see more of his powers, and get some questions answered, that have been eating away at us since the first season (or book).
Finally we talk about the big reveal, what we have speculated about since he was unceremoniously stabbed by his fellow brothers a year ago. Jon Snow is back baby! I sort of expected this to be drawn out and have his death last until close to the end of the season, but it’s nice that they ripped the band aid off. Although seeing as Tormund was getting ready to set up a funeral pyre, it’s probably good that Davos convinced Melisandre to do some of her magic doohickery on Jon Snow’s getting less fresh by the minute corpse.
Everyone leaves, assuming that the Red Woman’s attempt failed, because no-one has any patience these days! Only Ghost remains when we hear a gasp and the late Lord Commander opens his eyes. I am really interested to see how Jon 2.0 takes his new lease of life, how he deals with those who killed him, and if Jon will still be Jon. Will he stay with the Watch? Does he even want to be back? Will he finally know more than nothing? Only time will tell.