This post is dark and full of spoilers…
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you haven’t watched this week’s episode, please, please go watch it, and then come back and read this, as there will be spoilers and FYI, you might just need a cup of tea to help you through this one.
Let’s start off in the North and work our way back later. Sansa, Sansa, Sansa, oh my. Lady Stark is setting up her plan of attack, she is strong, she is independent and she is back to her Northern Starky ways. Sansa has gone back to wearing her hair in the Northern style, her clothes adorned with wolves and she takes down Littlefinger in a spectacular fashion. She lets him know that she knows that he cannot protect her, either by his negligence or his deliberate choices and frankly she could end him if she wished. Suck it Petyr, suck it!
Again though, Tormund is divine this episode, especially as he says absolutely nothing. Nothing!
Arya is training in Braavos, so after recieving a remarkably vague history lesson, she is being tested yet again, I suppose to ascertain whether she is Lady Stark or no-one. She is sent to do some recon on Lady Crane, one of the mummers in the theatre, who’s current performance is that of the death of King Robert and the events that soon followed. An especially difficult task for Arya really, when you think about it, for when she watches the show, she is in the same position that she was in in Season 1, a face in the crowd, watching her father’s beheading.
Daeny isn’t up to too much this week, Jorah confesses his love,shows her his scales and is ready to crawl under a rock and die somewhere, when she commands him to go find a cure, because of course it’s that easy, while Daario stands there uncomfortably. Like I said, not a lot happens.
In Meereen, Varys and Tyrion meet with a High Priestess of R’hollr to do some basic PR work, to keep the image of the peace-keeping Khaleesi alive and well. Tyrion is being his usual charming political self, when Varys tries to knock the red priestess down a peg or two, only to have her recant his childhood trauma and freak him the hell out. Good job lads.
Over to Pyke and the Kingsmoot is the hip-happening gig in town, because what do pirates love more than pillaging? That’s right, poorly organised elections overseen by a wet priest. Things are sort of going well for Yara Greyjoy, after some slight sexism and a glowing review by Theon, she seems set to rule the Ironborn. Unitil of course Uncle Euron shows up, stating that he killed the last King, his brother Balon, and that he’s going to tame the Mother of Dragons with his magical man-bits and rule the world, or something. Blahblah, Euron get’s elected and the Greyjoy siblings leg it out of there with their crew before dear sweet uncle can have them murdered. Families are great right?
Now it’s the big one. My poor heart. Bran is doing his jedi training with Oldy Wan Kenobi, to discover that a) the children of the forest created the Whitewalkers. Ten points all round guys, I’m so glad that you thought making living weapons was a brilliant idea. b) Bran can touch, hear, connect with people during his wibbly wobbly timey wimey adventures and c) Bran is responsible for Hodor becoming Hodor. Bran is out cold and in the past, the wights have broken into the cave, murdering the children of the forest, Summer and everything else that gets in their way. Meera is trying to move Bran, shouting that they need Hodor and somehow, Bran wargs into young Wyllis, in the past, to make future Hodor save Bran while fighting off an army of snow zombies.
The gut wrenching part, young Hodor having a fit as Meera’s voice echoes around him, telling him to HOLD THE DOOR, as she saves Bran. Bran watching the young lad shake and convulse, yelling as he experiences his own death in the future. The words “hold the door” whittling down the mumbles of Hodor.
I legitimately cried, the ginger man and I sat in silence for at least ten minutes after the sobbing had ceased. Neither one of us could handle the emotional roller coaster that we had just endured. I simultaneously love and hate George R R Martin for what he put me through tonight.
I hope you’re happy George, I hope you’re happy.