10 Reasons Why It Sucks To Be Just A Little Bit Pregnant.
Pregnancy is great, for the most part, people offer you their seats, no heavy lifting and you can eat an entire bucket of Ben&Jerrys and no-one bats an eyelid. However, this is only when you get to the obviously pregnant stage. Pregnancy can be split into three easily identifiable stages; the First Trimester, when you’re ever so slightly pregnant, and you’re living a perpetual hangover. The Second Trimester, with your ever expanding waistline and counting baby kicks is your new favourite hobby. Last but not least, the Third Trimester turns you into the cautionary whale and if you drop something, then there is no chance in hell that you’re picking it up.
The first trimester, is by far the worst part of the whole pregnancy experience, and I’m including piles, piles!
1. Shhhh, it’s a secret!
Early pregnancy is the most dangerous stage, so most suggest that you keep you the news to yourself until you’ve passed the first 12 weeks. One person, even had the gall to tell a friend of mine that she shouldn’t have announced her pregnancy so early,because it would be, and I quote, awkward, if she lost the baby.
2.Girl, You So Hot
Oh, and by hot, I mean sweating, you are sweating like a redshirt on an unknown planet. I had pools in places that I didn’t know pools could be. Not only that, but you get so sticky and rough that you get chafing, heat rash and an uncontrollable urge to punch your other half in the face when they glance at a radiator.
You can’t do anything, and you can’t tell anyone why. You can’t move furniture, change a bloody lightbulb, or help your Mum plant her Aubergines. I’m lucky, I guess, that I have had enough back problems, that I can use the “my back spasmed” line, so that no-one is suspicious when I can’t do whatever thing they want help with.
4.The Perpetual Hangover
You’re simultaneously hungry and nauseated. Is there a worse feeling? You really want to eat something, but everything you put in your mouth turns your stomach and you’re re-enacting the exorcist. After a itty bitty nibble, I usually just gave up all hope and sobbed, because if you can’t get anything into your tummy, then you’re regurgitating bile. Shudder.
Avoiding booze, or more accurately, avoiding booze with everyone noticing is like the Krypton Factor! Every event is a minefield, unless you happen to be the designated driver or you’re on “antibiotics” for your “kidney infection”
6.Oh God, the Smell
I feel sorry for dogs, the heightened sense of smell is awful, everything turned my stomach. I had to make my other half put on his deodorant outside, because I just couldn’t handle it.
7.I Need The Sleep
When you’re only a wee bit pregnant, you’re so tired and sluggish by the afternoon, that all you want to do is nap, but everybody thinks you’re just being a lazy arsehat.
8.Hormones From Hell
In early pregnancy, I felt like printing a t-shirt that read; Excuse me, but could you kindly f*ck off and breathe in a different direction, thanks. But then, I thought that people might get suspicious. Everything stems from the secrecy issue, like, I want to explain to my brother why I screamed at him for using the same knife in the butter and the jam, but I caaaaan’t and now I’m madder than ever!
9.I’m in a Place Called Vertigo
I was so dizzy that I tripped up over my own feet more times than a toddler at a jump rope contest. I had to wear those travel bracelets just to get through an average day. The room was always spinning, that coupled with the constant nausea, was like being trapped in one of the seven rings of Hell.
Your body is changing and you have absolutely no idea whether this is a normal cramp, or a bad cramp? Am I meant to be this tired? Is there something wrong with me? Is the baby getting enough water? If I eat that Snickers, will the baby get a nut allergy? I had that slice of brie before I knew I was pregnant, what if I get listeria? Living in a constant state of panic and stress is definitely not the most conducive way to live. Plus you have to rely on the internet for advice and you do not want to go down that rabbit hole!